Lockdown Woes

Is this lockdown getting to you? Because it is getting to me. And the past two weeks it has overwhelmed me.

All of a sudden work is overwhelming me. I’m fretting over everything. I’m trying to reason with myself but to no avail. I just want to let go and be happy, but my mind is bringing me down. I’m just seeing the negative side and not the positive side.

Something happened and I started thinking about my future – careerwise. This has taken me down a dark tunnel. I’m still trying to get out of it, but it is getting better. I realized dealing with it an hour at a time is working.

I’ve been trying to outrun this feeling for a while but it only got worse. So I’ve stopped running and have just accepted this feeling. It wasn’t good at first but you get used to it. Your mind stops racing, it comes to a halt.

I’m still at this phase, so I don’t know what is to come. But I do know I feel a little calm. Every time that overwhelming feeling creeps up, I just think about the current moment. Like right now, I felt it coming on, so I concentrated on typing out this article.

I tried to talk to my friends but there is only so much they can do. Sometimes the things they say hurt you. I always think about the way I would react to them if the tables were turned. You expect a certain type of response but they don’t conform to the way you would want them to.

But don’t let that get you down, somethings in life we need to overcome by ourselves. You’ve got you. Don’t beat yourself up about the things your friends say. They’ll always be there for you. I have one friend who will always be there no matter what.

But I need to fight this battle alone because I’m the only one who can win. Getting through this an hour at a time is all the ammunition I need. And sometimes when getting through the hour gets difficult, the solution – funny BTS videos.

Watching BTS Bon Voyage videos makes me feel like I’m traveling with them, or even just funny moments helps me escape from my thoughts. They are a part of the recharge I get when things get too much. But don’t overdo the videos, this tends to get me down too. So just a few videos and keep the phone away.

There is a piano piece that helps me too: Clair De Lune – Claude Debussy. Play it and close your eyes. It hits all the right spots in your brain as you process the notes, effectively calming you down.

So BTS funny videos + peaceful piano pieces = temporary bliss