Today I took a break from Life. It was exactly what I needed.
Work has been getting out of control. I feel like nothing is going my way. Whatever I do seems like it is nothing. I put in so much effort on important tasks this year. But I don’t think it made a difference.
I myself have a fear of releasing it, I don’t believe in myself. Then how can I expect anyone else to believe in it? I did not want it to get released under such circumstances, which I am content with. I can’t take the tension surrounding its failure. So, in that sense, I am thankful it is not released.
But I feel like it has come across like I have done nothing remarkable this year. There is another task I worked hard on, but it has not closed out. It has come across like I have not executed it well. I put in so much effort, but to no avail.
I’m mentoring a new person. I help, but it is taking away time that can be spent on completing tasks I’m drowning in. They aren’t tasks that show huge numbers, but they are intricate.
I have one task I truly enjoy working on. Finally, the blocker has been resolved, but my time to complete it has shortened. I just wish I get more time so I can create an amazing result.
I feel sad that even though I am sincere and work hard, I have nothing to show for it. I get the sense that the people in charge of me think I am not giving good results. Sometimes I feel like I have missed huge opportunities because of my fear of people in higher positions.
I just wish I had the strength to follow my dream completely. I wish I could be good at my work and good at my dream. I wish French Vanilla becomes something more.
It started out as my happy place, but recently I was feeling sad about no views. And it started getting me down. So, I have decided not to care about the traffic, this is my quiet place. I’m not going to force anyone to visit.
It has removed the stress of publishing at a certain time. Now, I can publish whenever I want. I love everything that has been written in French Vanilla. If it is meant to be something bigger, it will be.
One thing I am certain of, everything that gets published here is something that is special to me, something that is genuine and not just for likes and follows. French Vanilla is a place of peace and quiet. I wish whoever comes here will leave with a little piece of peace.