My Space

Today I took a break from Life. It was exactly what I needed.

Work has been getting out of control. I feel like nothing is going my way. Whatever I do seems like it is nothing. I put in so much effort on important tasks this year. But I don’t think it made a difference.

I myself have a fear of releasing it, I don’t believe in myself. Then how can I expect anyone else to believe in it? I did not want it to get released under such circumstances, which I am content with. I can’t take the tension surrounding its failure. So, in that sense, I am thankful it is not released.

But I feel like it has come across like I have done nothing remarkable this year. There is another task I worked hard on, but it has not closed out. It has come across like I have not executed it well. I put in so much effort, but to no avail.

I’m mentoring a new person. I help, but it is taking away time that can be spent on completing tasks I’m drowning in. They aren’t tasks that show huge numbers, but they are intricate.

I have one task I truly enjoy working on. Finally, the blocker has been resolved, but my time to complete it has shortened. I just wish I get more time so I can create an amazing result.

I feel sad that even though I am sincere and work hard, I have nothing to show for it. I get the sense that the people in charge of me think I am not giving good results. Sometimes I feel like I have missed huge opportunities because of my fear of people in higher positions.

I just wish I had the strength to follow my dream completely. I wish I could be good at my work and good at my dream. I wish French Vanilla becomes something more.

It started out as my happy place, but recently I was feeling sad about no views. And it started getting me down. So, I have decided not to care about the traffic, this is my quiet place. I’m not going to force anyone to visit.

It has removed the stress of publishing at a certain time. Now, I can publish whenever I want. I love everything that has been written in French Vanilla. If it is meant to be something bigger, it will be.

One thing I am certain of, everything that gets published here is something that is special to me, something that is genuine and not just for likes and follows. French Vanilla is a place of peace and quiet. I wish whoever comes here will leave with a little piece of peace.

2 thoughts on “My Space

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  1. I can relate to so much of what you say here. Dividing up and allocating one’s time can be so tricky, and then you end up feeling you are not getting it right anyway! You probably have more to show for it than you realise right now; sometimes things are happening underground that only reveal themselves later. As for the blogging: it tends to go up and down in my experience. I have learned to regard it more as a hobby, where I don’t worry too much if I don’t get a lot of response. I have seen other people’s posts so beautifully done, and yet receiving so little response that I can’t help wonder why– so it can happen to any of us! I find that commenting on other people’s blogs sometimes helps to up your own readership. All the best 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

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