Bittersweet

As I lay on my bed, listening to my pick of piano covers on Spotify, I gazed up at the glow in the dark stars on my ceiling. A feeling of hopelessness engulfed me. It wasn’t the sad kind, it was more of a ‘it is what it is’ kind of feeling.

That is when I realised I don’t have any kind of dream life anymore. I felt like I was just existing, and this made me feel very sad. So, I tried to think about what I wanted. But nothing really came to mind. It felt like I had lost my drive to look forward to anything.

As I closed my eyes and listened to the soothing notes of the piano, I tried to think of something I really wanted. Peace – this is the only thing I realised I really want. Then I tried to think of what would give me peace.

A cosy cottage by a lake, with a lawn for my dog Benjamin and a garage for an Audi. I thought of this scene in my mind’s eye. It made me feel less hollow. Maybe this could be my dream. So, I continued to imagine this setting.

No more worrying about money – another aspect of the dream entered my thoughts. I dreamed of having frenchvanilla.co.in as my source of income. Knitting and writing flew through my thoughts. And in this dream, my poor little overworked brain was not stressed out anymore. It was filled with only happy thoughts and liked our current life.

At least for now, I can think of this little setting when everything seems so dreadful.

At one point I had a lot of focus, speeding along the highway of life. But slowly my life-car drifted off the highway on to mud road. Right now I’m still on mud road, cruising along-side the highway, wondering whether I should get back onto tarred road.

The question now is whether I should stay off-road that has soul or get back on the heartless highway to get to my renewed dream.

Off-road it is.

See you soon Audi.

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