I concentrated on working. I focused on Audi. And now, here I am, 31. Feels like 10 years went by in a flash. But did it really?
The struggle was real – personal and professional. Witnessing a marriage(not mine, never have been and may never ever be) that wasn’t meant to be has scarred me for life. I thought I was completely okay with love. But turns out I cannot think about ever committing to someone. Why? Well because I have seen a broken marriage – the other side of love, the heartless, loveless mess of a combination.
I thought there was someone but he was sunshine and I was midnight rain. I broke his heart because he was nice and I was haunted. So, someone who is simple and can understand where I am coming from…even then I can’t think of falling for someone.
Peace, I would rather have peace, nothing less than that. I have gone through a lifetime’s worth of mental torture. I do not have anything left to give anyone anymore. All I have is to keep myself sane.
Sometimes I wish I was normal. Wish I did not see so much family betrayal. I wish I could believe in people. But I know for some life is paradise and for some it is a hurricane. And I am part of the latter.
There are midnights when I wonder whether my life would have been different if I focused on falling in love. Then I remember that moment on the escalator leading up to the mall from the parking lot – I drove over to the mall in my mini-SUV. My car. I bought a car – my dream since I can’t even remember.
The answer to the question – So was it worth it?
It was completely worth it. I would rather be in my car, on this side regretting life’s choices, than on the other side, regretting not having the life I have now.