Leave It To God

Have you ever felt the light through which you see life dim a little? I’m there right now. It’s like a reel on Instagram that shows the way you see life as a child and as an adult.

As a child, the scene is all bright and sunny. But as an adult, it dims down, more like a dull filter has been placed on the scene.

When you try to fight to keep the bright light on, it feels like a battle that never lets up. I felt the worst of this battle last year. I gave it my all. This year I have nothing left to give.

I accept defeat. Defeat in the sense that I cannot do this on my own. Now I have left everything to God. I’m beaten up, life won. Now it’s time to step aside and let God handle this fight.

I cannot do this anymore, this same approach to life. I want to live every moment from now on. No waiting for the future. And no more forcing myself to do things that I think I may regret not having later.

I like being alone so I am going to enjoy it. I am not going to force things to happen. Everything is in God’s Hands now.

A very cold spell has entered my life. I cannot feel the warmth of happiness or the true meaning of life. I can’t feel the happy emotions. Everything seems so cold. I feel like this fight with life took something away from my soul.

My heart feels soulless. Maybe the fight was too bad and my soul needs to stand this one out for me to be okay. So I’m not trying to swim back up from the bottom of the ocean. I need to be there for a while. That kind of peace is required now.

I trust in God and leave everything to Him.