Turning Thirty

Turning Thirty – not a great feeling. I’m not going to try to be all motivational. There are some people out there who have a hard time dealing with turning thirty. And I am one of them. It is what it is, can’t help it.

So, let’s get into it. Until twenty-nine, I was cool with the age number. I did not care. But when it was time to turn thirty – boom – sirens went off in my head. I felt like Rachel and Joey from Friends. I was having an existential crisis. (Two of my friends had to deal with a truckload of messages on our group – you know who you are. They were cool with it, they are the safe place.)

For a little while, I thought I was afraid of just the number 30. But the fear of turning thirty was not the number. It was where I thought I should have been in life by the time I turned thirty.

My vision – Owning a house, a car and married with children or at least having a boyfriend.

My reality – Living with my parents, no car of my own and not wanting to ever date or get married.

See the stark difference? I’m nowhere close to where I thought I should be in life at thirty.

These were the reasons why turning thirty was a dreaded event in my life. But I had no choice – my birthday came – I blew out the candles – tada – I’m thirty.

Once you cross the birthday – it seems to settle down, although you do have sudden bursts of panic. But can you really do anything about it? You are where you are. You can’t make a life-changing shift overnight.

But you can come to terms with reality and just accept where you are. My friend has the best reply to the worrying thoughts and questions – ‘So?’ Whenever I’m having one of those phases where I think about other people’s opinion of me or I’m questioning where I am at in life, she always says -‘So what?’

‘So what?’ – two simple words but it makes such a big difference. Like actually, So What if you are where you are. It removes the heaviness weighing you down. ‘So what?’ (thanks soulmate, you know who you are…)

At this point in life, all I can do is just be content at the point where I’m at. No moving forward and no moving backwards, just being still. Too much has happened in life over the past two years. Long story short – multiple betrayals at the same time.

But I’ve just got a semblance of blankness that is keeping me at the right wavelength of being unbothered.

So, instead of worrying and pushing myself to be what I thought I should be by the age of thirty, I’m just going to say ‘Fuck it’. At this point being blank is what I need. So, I am going to do just that – be blank.

At the end of the day it comes down to this – Are you afraid of the age number? Or are you panicking because you aren’t where you thought you would be at thirty? Think about it.

But remember, whatever the reason, one thing is for sure – age really is just a number. So, stop worrying and just enjoy your birthday – you will still be the same person you were the day before your thirtieth birthday – you got this!

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