Sanely Reckless

I survived Covid. And this was the start of a completely new book in my life. The title – I Don’t Care.

Something hit home when I was not well – Death can come for us at any moment in time. And then it’s over, like game over. This makes most of the things that get us down in life insignificant.

Take my life for example. Was worrying about getting a sign-off on an automation process the last thing I would do while I was alive? Another one – was worrying about getting a requirement from the MD adding any value to my life? Worry – the biggest occupant in my mind.

To tell you the truth, not a single colleague of mine cared whether I was doing well or not. And guess what, I used to worry about these people liking me. I worried about impressing these people with my work. Haha, these are worries of a past life. Let bygones be bygones.

Now, I do not give a fuck about anything anymore. Missed a deadline, ok, it will be extended. Not getting a solution, ok, I will figure it out with Google. Someone being mean to me, ok, he is not a part of my life outside the office (telling him to fuck off in my mind while looking him straight in the eye and smiling – priceless. Another one, say thanks and mean fuck off, lol, very liberating). VP, MD talking to me, ok, they are just humans.

Am I performing well at work or not, ok, who gives a shit. If I’m not performing well, I’ll get a review and then I will know what to work on. To date, I have got praise for my performance, so why the heck am I worrying about a non-existent situation?

It was like a flip of a switch. I closed the book and opened a new one in life. It all comes back to St. John Paul II’s advice – Do Not Be Afraid. God’s Will is in place, what has to happen will happen with or without worry. So, let’s all give worry the middle finger and get on with it.

When death comes, we should embrace it with a firm handshake and look back on life with contentment. The next level in life is something we should face head-on.

At this point in life, I’m living exactly the way I want. And this seems to be a permanent change, I’m never going back to the old me ever again.

This is me, whether people like me or not. I love this version and I’m sure God does too. And that is all that matters.

Fear of God and no one else.

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