My Psych Ward

I think my Psych ward is the Goa House. I’m watching this show ‘Daily Dose Of Sunshine’ on Netflix. And the place looks so peaceful and nice.

I love staying in Goa. And nowadays it is not just something I enjoy doing. It has become something that I need to do just to keep myself going. I can’t seem to handle where I am at in life.

And recently I’ve been feeling very low. I don’t see anything happening in life. I feel like I cannot go to work anymore. Everything seems to be a very hard task and I need to push myself to do it. I feel so exhausted and just want to sleep.

I feel really happy when I get a good sleep. For three days in a row, I had good sleep after coming back from Goa. The journey back knocked me out. I don’t want to do this anymore. I want to pack up and leave.

I wish I could buy my own little place where dogs are allowed and shift there. And also have income that just comes in via investments. I don’t know if I will ever reach this stage. I thought I could help people and animals.

I thought I would be doing a lot of volunteer work at this point in life. But I struggle to keep myself sane. I don’t know what to do anymore. Taking care of my dog is what keeps me going. At one point I was living only for my dog, at the darkest time in my life.

But now I feel like I’m just doing the bare minimum for my dog. I need to do more. I wish I could take him for a walk whenever I want to without fear of being attacked. I don’t have time throughout the day. But some days I have time in the evening and wish I could just take him down for a walk like earlier.

I wish all the dogs just become friends again. I don’t know how that will happen. I’m so tired of being locked up. I’ll start taking him for drives every Saturday again. I’ll make a routine. It will be good for both the dog and me.

This is my life and I have to live it. I have to just live. So I will live. And I will take it a day at a time.

I came back to this post about a week later and I feel better. I’ve been taking my dog down early in the morning regularly and I’ve been going for my walk too.

If I don’t zoom out and look at the bigger picture of life and focus only on the present, I feel almost normal. So I don’t zoom out anymore, I just live in the present.

P.S. My dog enjoys Goa too as he’s completely free there. He has a few doggie friends too.